this dude is so stinking funny

A Few Updates

I’ve played more tennis in the last 2 months than I had in the last 10 years.  It’s been great.  Although playing until after midnight on Tuesday nights with my pals, getting to bed around 1:00am, and then getting up for work the next day has been a little rough on this old body.

I’ve picked more berries in the last two weeks than I have in my entire life previously.  Picked some fresh blackberries at Daniel & Mandy’s about a week ago, and just ate them right off the bush.  Then, Eli & I went to The Fruit & Berry Patch in Halls a few nights ago and picked some blackberries and peaches and took them home.  Then a couple of nights later, Erin, Eli, & I went back out to the Patch and picked blueberries, grapes, blackberries, and apples.  And we bought a thing of honey made in Nebraska that is probably the most delicious honey I’ve ever tasted.  Then we went home and I took the blackberries and blueberries and made a homemade cobbler all by myself.  Never did this before.  It was really really good….and VERY sweet….went just a little overboard on the sugar.  Although I did take the cobbler to work the next day and it disappeared quickly. 

Work is hectic.  One guy in my department was let go about 4 weeks ago, and another girl resigned and went off to greener pastures.  So I’m taking on some full time web accounts again, on top of trying to do the things I’ve been doing the last several months….technical training and development, product development, various projects, etc.  Stressful.

I LOVE the show So You Think You Can Dance.  Love it.  I’ve watched previous seasons as well, although I’ve never committed to watching it every single week like I do with Lost, The Office, or Prison Break.  But the dancing is so incredible.  This isn’t celebrities “trying” to dance.  It’s 18-28 year olds who are actual dancers trying to make it and get their big break.  I love it.  The choreography each week is so stinking creative and amazing.  And I don’t think I can dance.  I know I can.

Erin has recently gotten pretty good at throwing Frisbee.  I’m not sure how or why, because every time she’d tried in the past, it went pretty poorly and she’d get frustrated and quit.  But something clicked.  And although there’s still room for improvement, we’ve actually gotten out and thrown several times over the last few weeks.  Awesome.

Because of season passes that were given to us as a gift, we’ve been able to go to Dollywood & Splash Country 4 times each so far this year.  Yee Haw!

This time next year, we’ll be getting Eli ready for Kindergarten.  Buying a backpack, shopping for school clothes, getting pencils and paper, finding a cool lunchbox.  How is this possible?  5 years ago this little person did not exist.  Now he talks back, climbs on the counter to secretly find snacks, dances all around the living room breakdance style, wears his water mask/goggles in bed while watching cartoons, prefers to get dressed all by himself, picks bugs up off the ground, sings on tune, loves to eat mushrooms, has a sort-of preschool girlfriend who is so clingy to him that he says “why does she be my friend ALL the time??”, and laughs just as wonderfully as ever.

Who Doesn’t Love a Friendly Game Of …

Google Searches That Find My Blog…

Here are the Google searches from yesterday (Sunday) that led readers to check out my blog.  First, notice the common theme….The Bachelorette.  I’m not sure if I’m glad that the biggest reason people are finding me is because of The Bachelorette.  But, Second, notice the top search.  Um.  Ok.  I’m going to have to burst their bubble and say the answer is “no”.

Earn $5,143.52 Per Minute!

DeSagana Diop, a 7 foot tall NBA center, just signed a 5 year contract with the Dallas Mavericks for a total of $31,000,000.00….or 6.2 million a year.  You’re thinking…wow, that’s a LOT of money, especially for a guy I’m not even sure I’ve heard of!  Well, you’re right.  Let me break it down for you.  Diop has played 7 full NBA seasons.  Wanna know his “career” stats?  Here they are:

14.7 minutes per game … 43% field goal percentage … 52% free throw percentage … 1.2 blocks per game … 3.9 rebounds per game… 2.1 points per game.  That’s right.  For 6 million a year, the guys scores 2 points, gets 4 rebounds, plays 15 minutes, and shoots 52% from the free throw line. 

Let’s break it down further.  This season, let’s ASSUME he plays in all 82 games (he’s only averaged playing in 62 games each season over his career).  And let’s ASSUME he plays to his career averages.  With those assumptions in mind, we reach these earnings conclusions.  Diop will earn…

$75,609 per game  OR  $63,007 per blocked shot  OR  $36,004 per point scored  OR  $19,386 per rebound  OR  $5,143.52 per minute he spends on the court in a game.  Or, to put it more personally, Diop, in ONE MINUTE of action, will earn more than I do in 300 HOURS of work.  And, frankly, that pisses me off.

Movie Ratings - Part V

The Savages.  Can you believe that a guy as odd looking as Phillip Seymour Hoffman is such an amazing actor and has played a wide variety of roles in MANY great movies?  He’s great.  Laura Linney is great.  The story is great.  The acting is great.  God is great.  Cocoa Pebbles cereal is great.  My Rating:  Watch the movie.  But do it while eating Cocoa Pebbles and thinking about God.  It will make it even better.

I Am Legend.  You know, I sort of avoided seeing this movie.  Mentally, I sort of put it in the Men-in-Black-Part 2-I-Robot sort of Will Smith going overboard with the whole supernatural alien movie thing.  But then I heard someone say it’s worth watching.  And I’m easily swayed.  That may not be a good thing if I ever visit Vietnam and a native encourages me to try the fried Iguana livers…but in this case, it worked out.  I liked it.  My Rating:  Give it a try.  But watch it late at night, in a dark living room, with surround sound, and a pillow to hold onto. 

Enchanted.  A curious one for me.  It’s always a little odd when a movie with sort of bad reviews and poor ratings gets an Oscar nomination for Best Actress (Amy Adams).  Do you see it because of the performance, or not see it because of the reviews?  Hmm.  Well, I’m married.  And my wife is a female.  So, yes, we saw Enchanted.  And McDreamy.  And well….  My Rating:  This movie had the possibility of being as good as Elf…but ended up being about as good as Ever After.  Which is to say I wasn’t terribly impressed.

Before the Devil Knows Your Dead.  (Déjà vu spoiler alert)  Can you believe that a guy as odd looking as Phillip Seymour Hoffman is such an amazing actor and has played a wide variety of roles in MANY great movies?  Sorry, but this wasn’t one of them.  This movie had about has much suspense and thrill as my last statement did.  My Rating:  I would have expected Tom Berringer, Eric Roberts, or C. Thomas Howell to star in this movie….but instead it had Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke.  Shame on them.  And if anyone reading is still familiar with Tom Berringer, Eric Roberts, or C. Thomas Howell, you’ve been watching way too many bad movies.

Wild Hogs.  I haven’t even finished this movie.  We stopped it last night at about 1:15.23, with probably 30 minutes left to go.  It was late.  Had to go to bed.  But saw plenty enough to give you this rating.  My Rating:  It’s bad.

The Bachelorette - Season 4

Yep, I did just stay up until 11:00pm last night watching the 3 HOUR finale of The Bachelorette - Season 4, in which Deanna and Jesse ended up together.  Wow, what a marathon.  Truth is, I’d seen maybe 1 episode this season.  But this weekend, we were in Kentucky visiting my family, and my sister Kari Jo had the last 2 or 3 weeks of it recorded on their DVR, and on a lazy Saturday afternoon we all watched it together.  Turns out Deanna Pappas (the Bachelorette) is originally from Campbellsville, Ky, where my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew live. 

And I’ve seen a few of The Bachelor series in the past.  And none of the relationships work out.  In fact, Ryan and Trista from 2003 are the only “successful” couple out of 16 different Bachelor and Bachelorette series to date.  Not the greatest success rate.  A 6% success rate, in fact.  I think the rate of relationships in which the woman turns lesbian, leaves the guy, and hooks up with another women is even higher than 6%.  I mean, that’s dismal.  Which leaves me wondering how the show continues to be successful?  That’s like having a reality TV show about drug addiction recovery, in which addicts successfully kick-the-habit on tv, and then 15 out of every 16 contestants ends up back on drugs within 3 months of the show.  Not good.

For future reference, here’s how you know who’s going to get picked on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.  Whoever the show makes you THINK is going to get picked…is not going to get picked.  They do it all the time.  It’s on purpose.  The couples spend hours and hours together on dates, and you get to see 15 minutes of it.  The producers plan this all out, editing things so that you think one guy is toast (In this case - Jesse), and another guys is a shoe-in (Jason), and then it goes down completely the opposite way.  In fact, they make this slant so obvious, that it’s now almost predictable.  The family loved Jason.  He was hot, stable, family oriented, committed, open, honest, and the “chemistry” always seemed to be there.  Then there was Jesse…not as committed, nervous, not really ready to settle down as quickly, family seemed more unsure of him….and, of course, she picks Jesse.  It’s like watching WWE wrestling, except with lots of kissing and walks on the beach, personal helicopter rides, and other over-romanticized happenings. 

And, guys, be serious.  Who really wants to be lumped together with 25 other dudes to “compete” for a girl you don’t even know….even if she is attractive?  Especially when you know she’s making out with at least half the other guys on the show?  No way this happens naturally.  There has to be some coaching and planning behind the scenes to make this play out well on tv. 

Anyway, I’m rambling.  It’s probably because of my lack of sleep.  Which is mostly due to the 3 HOUR Bachelorette marathon finale.  Which, for some unexplainable reason, I watched.  Thanks Kari Jo.  I’m blaming it all on you.

Some Things That I’m Truly Afraid Of

Almost anything to do with going to the doctor….needles, having blood drawn, shots, the phrase “this shouldn’t hurt too much”, the smell, the other sick people in the waiting room, the bad news, the bill, the $50.00 prescription.

Something bad happening in our home while we sleep.  Intruder…fire…leaving the oven turned on…carbon monoxide poisoning, infestation of bugs.  This stuff often keeps me awake.  I hear noises coming from downstairs and lay awake for 10 minutes listening intently for more noise.  I keep a golf club under the bed.  About once every 2-3 weeks I get up and go downstairs (heart pounding) looking for what might be down there.  Some nights I check on Eli about 5 times before I can go to sleep. 

Really deep water.  I’m not sure how well I would handle a cruise or deep sea fishing.  The thought of floating on water that is 1000’s of feet deep really disturbes me…..even more so than the thought of an overweight, chain smoking clown hiding in my refrigerator, which is apparently a common fear.  I’m an okay swimmer, not great.  But the thought of going under, and it becoming pitch dark and cold….aahhadrdradlaadlfkj, it gives me chills.

Missing out on life.  Not too terribly afraid of death…it’s more the missing out on life that scares me.  Watching my son grow up.  Seeing new technological advances come to fruition.  Growing old with family and friends, reminiscing.  Enjoying sunshine.  Things like that.

Pain.  (see going to the doctor, above)  During one 18 month stretch of my childhood, I broke my left arm on 3 different occasion.  Three different breaks.  Three trips to the doctor/hospital.  Three times having my bones reset, which is still the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life.  Three times overreacting and wishing I would just die so I didn’t have to deal with the pain again.  The result of this experience is that I’m somewhat pain-o-phobic.  I will gladly avoid engaging in activities (flag football, excercising, getting up from the couch, cooking dinner) that could result in serious pain. 

Movie Ratings - Part IV

And on we go….

No Country For Old Men.  If I’m ever a redneck cowboy, living in the desert, and I come across a bunch of shot up vehicles with dead people in them….I’m not investigating the scene.  Nope.  I’m out of there.  The last thing I need is a guy with a cow-killing air gun and an advanced silencer Uzi coming after me.  But, damn, was it interesting to watch.  My Rating:  Not the best Oscar winning movie ever, but a worthy winner nonetheless.  So you gotta see it.  Just be ready to hide your face.  

Bridge to Terabithia.  This might be one of my favorite fantasy-style movies since The Neverending Story.  It reminded me of my youth, when my friends and I used to tramp through the farms, building castles out of hay, finding adventure in a small creek, sword fighting with tobacco sticks.  A gut-wrenching but heart warming ending.  My Rating:  As far as movies with “Bridge” in the title go, it’s MUCH better than “The Bridge - A Movie About the Controversial Church of Scientology“.

Once.  Simple.  One of the best movies I’ve ever seen.  One of the most gut-wrenching endings I’ve ever seen.  One of the most believable, real, honest, clever, romantic stories you’ll find.  Is that enough to convince you?  My Rating:  SEE THIS MOVIE.  It was the highest critically rated movie of 2007.  Seriously.  SEE THIS MOVIE.

Fracture.  Anthony Hopkins has certainly done better movies (not counting The Edge).  Ryan Gosling has certainly done better movies (ever see The Notebook or Half Nelson?).  Fracture?  Yeah, this movie is fractured.  Had some promise.  Didn’t see it through.  My Rating:  Rent Half Nelson instead.  I’m not reviewing it officially, but you’ll get to see Gosling in a fantastic role.  And you won’t cry as hard as you did watching The Notebook.  Seriously.  I still cry just thinking about The Notebook.

Movie Ratings - Part III

As much as I liked my movie rating scale, I’ve already come to find it too limiting.  So, since this is MY blog and MY movie ratings, I’ve decided to rate the movies however I see fit.  If you don’t like it, tough.  But please keep reading anyway, because I don’t want you to leave.  That would suck. 

Kung Fu Panda.  “Skadoosh” is my new favorite word.  Did you know that Beauty & The Beast is the only animated movie EVER to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture?   Now that animated movies have their own Oscar category, that just doesn’t happen anymore.  With movies like Kung Fu Panda, Wall E, Cars, and other incredible animated movies, it’s time to change that rule.  My Rating:  Did you like Cars, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, & Monsters Inc?  Then you’ll definitely like this.

Juno.  I’ll be honest.  I liked it, but I sort of expected it to be even better.  Ellen Page was good, but I had a hard time seeing her as a 16 year old.  She looks young, but she acts SO old.  Almost like a 1990’s Natalie Portman, but even MORE adult-like, if that’s possible.  Jason Bateman was great, and the overall story was really good.  Wanna see Ellen Page in an incredible role?  Check out Hard Candy.  That one will shock you.  My Rating:  If you watch it because you noticed it was nominated for Best Picture last year, it’s about a B.  If you watch it because you love those lower budget films with a great cast, good stories, and believable characters, then it’s more like an A–. 

Fool’s Gold.  If you’ve already seen this movie, there are probably 2 reasons for it.  One, you think Matthew McConaughey is hot and will watch any movie he’s in (not a bad reason).  Two, you’re a guy and your girlfriend or wife thinks Matthew McConaughey is hot and wants to see any movie he’s in (again, not a bad reason).  My Rating:  ESPN, mowing the yard, The Neverending Story, baking a cake, Dazed and Confused, vacuuming, and Secret Admirer would all be better choices.

Funny Games.  Spoiler Alert….it’s not funny.  Not at all.  It’s mean, scary, hard to watch, weird, gruesome, odd, and kooky all rolled into one.  Problem is, it just isn’t really  that good.  And what’s up with Naomi Watts’ career?  My Rating:  If you need something different to watch, try it out.  But ultimately, you’d be better off renting The Ring, and once again be reminded at how freaking scary THAT movie was. 

Jesus Camp.  Okay (with a straight face), how you can you not wanna watch a film that features 10 year old kids speaking in tongues and rolling around on the floor in the Spirit?  I don’t know what to say about this film.  Honestly, I just don’t quite understand why it was made and released mainstream.  Was it to make fun of the Jesus Camp?  Was it to shed some kind of light on something?  Was it an honest promotion?  I don’t get it.  My Rating:  If you’re a Christian, and you’ve seen the promos, you know you wanna see it, just to see if it’s as ridiculous as it looks.  So do it.  You may not like it, but at least your curiosity will be served.

In the Market For a Bike (??)

We’re (sort of) in the market (beginning stages) for bikes.  Sort of as in it looks like we’ll have to spend AT LEAST $400.00 to get 2 decent bikes, helmets, locks, and a bike rack.  And that sounds like (and is) a LOT of dough to me.  To get something more name brand and consumer rated, that cost goes up to about $800.00.

But I know little to nothing about today’s bikes.  What makes the $150.00 one so different from the $400.00 one.  Mountain, urban, hybrid, road, which is better?  There are no less than 12 good, namebrand bike makes.  Which are better and why?  Why do bikes have SO many stinking speeds?  I keep reading all over the web about customers who like their bikes but have problems with gear slippage all the time.  How long do brakes last?  I’m not a fan of handle brakes, I always liked the standard pedal back brake so much better.  How often do they need tuning up, and how much does that cost?  What type of other “maintenance” costs can you expect?  What bike racks are good, and which suck?  Will Knoxville ever start creating actual bike paths on the roadways, rather than just building greenways? 

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.  Do you have a bike?  What kind?  Where did you get it?  Has it been good quality?  What brand should we lean toward?  What accessories will we need to keep on hand?  Anything else you can think of? 

Who wants some a this, huh? Who wants some?

Um…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Movie Ratings - Part II

Be sure to read my personal movie rating scale (in the post right below this one), so you’ll understand where each movie ranks. 

Lions for Lambs.  When you see Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, and Meryl Streep on the cover of a DVD, you immediately have certain expectations, right?  Individually, they are all on top of their game.  Collectively, however, the movie was a little lacking for me.  My Rating:  I Loved Seven.  Did you love Seven?  This Was Okay.  But This Was No Seven.

The Lookout.  Yeah, you’re probably going to have to Google this one to even know what it is.  And I’m too lazy right now to link every single one of these.  Sorry.  But this one is definitely worth seeing.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3^rd Rock From the Sun) has become a great actor, although he’s mostly in indy-style stuff.  Jeff Daniels is in this one too.  My Rating:  Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow It Up With A Few Good Men.

There Will Be Blood.  How can I explain this one?  Wow.  It’s sort of like my heart and soul are filled with Coca Cola.  And this movie is a straw.  And the straw reaches over, penetrates my heart and soul, and drinks up the Coca Cola.  IT DRINKS IT UP!!  My Rating:  It’s Sort of In Between Crash & Shawshank Redemption, With a Dash of Magnolia. 

Cloverfield.  Great Technical Stuff!  Giant buildings!  Mediocre acting!  Scary monster!  Please, stop shaking the camera, I’m getting sick!  I want to keep watching, but I need some Advil!  Ahh!  Oh, it’s over?  Hmm.  Okay.  My Rating:  If William Wallace From Braveheart Belched, This Movie Would Come Out.

The Other Boleyn Girl.  A true story of intrigue, sibling rivalry, the struggle for power, fancy dresses, sex with the King of England, painful childbirth, shaky plot, Eric Bana, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Scott-Thomas, who’s that guy, why did they get married again, what did that mean, I’m getting lost, help me understand, huh?  My rating:  Ever See The Bridges of Madison County?  Slow, Watchable, Totally Mediocre?  Yep.  It’s About Like That.

My Movie Ratings - Part I

With Blockbuster Online, we see our fair share of movies at home.  And fortunately, I’ve actually been able to see a handful of movies in the theater over the past few months….partly because one of Erin’s co-workers is the sister of the CEO of Regal Cinemas.  Cha Ching.  So I thought I would share some personal movie reviews and ratings on flicks I’ve seen over the past few months.  I’ll offer minimal thoughts, so as to not ruin any plot or narrative, and then I’ll rate the movie.  After much consideration, I’ve developed my personal movie rating scale.  Here it is:

My Movie Rating Scale:

Holy Crap - It’s The Second Coming of Braveheart

It’s Sort of In Between Crash & Shawshank Redemption, With a Dash of Magnolia

On Par with Heat, Just Not Quite There Yet

Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow It Up With A Few Good Men.

It’s Definitely Watchable….It’s Just Not Braveheart, And Never Will Be

I Loved Seven.  Did You Love Seven?  This Was Okay.  But This Was No Seven.

It Could Have Been Better If Steven Seagal Was In It

Ever See The Bridges Of Madison County?  Slow, Watchable, Totally Mediocre?  Yep, It’s About Like That.

If William Wallace From Braveheart Belched, This Movie Would Come Out

It Only Wishes it Could Be a Preview on the Braveheart DVD

Could Be a Cult Hit - If You’re a Member of the I-Love-Movies-That-Suck Cult

Remember Ace Ventura?  Yeah, It’s Almost That Bad

I Would Rather Watch a 2 Hour PBS Documentary on Smog While Snacking on Seaweed

So….let the ratings begin….

The Nanny Diaries.  Life in New York City is something I’ll never comprehend.  But Laura Linney is a great actress, and Scarlett Johansson is quite easy to look at.  My rating:  It’s Definitely Watchable…It’s Just Not Braveheart, And Never Will Be.

In the Valley of Elah.  Really good cast.  Good overall story.  Very nice performance from Tommy Lee Jones, even better than his role in No Country, in my opinion.  My rating:  Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow it Up With A Few Good Men.

The Heartbreak Kid.  Can Ben Stiller actually act?  He’s talented, right?  He’s capable of being funny, isn’t he?  Didn’t he once have a bright future ahead of him?  My rating:  Remember Ace Ventura?  Yeah, It’s Almost That Bad.

Transformers.  Man, was I a big fan of the 80’s cartoon.  BIG fan.  You know what I’m not a big fan of?  Shia LeBeouf.  Major overactor.  Some cool effects, a nice emotional quality to the transformers themselves, and a total waste of Josh Duhamel’s decent acting ability.  Although it did elevate Meghan Fox to super-hottie-on-the-cover-of-every-men’s-magazine status.  My rating:  It Could Have Been Better If Steven Seagal Was In It.

Alvin & The Chipmunks.  Well.  Um.  Eli seemed to like it okay.  And I thought it was cool that Jason Lee was able to take off the mustache, wear nicer clothes, be a successful musician, and still pretty much look, sound, and act just like Earl J. Hickey.  My rating:  It Only Wishes It Could Be a Preview on the Braveheart DVD. 

The Electric Car

This one is for all my environmentally friends out there. And there are many of you. I want to recommend a documentary. I would actually consider it a must see.

Who Killed the Electric Car? Seen it? Heard of it? You need to. It’s pretty amazing. Back in the mid 1990’s, partly out of pressure from the California State Government, the electric car hit the streets.  Most of us here in the southeast or midwest may have never seen one.  Many of us probably never even heard of it.  But it existed.  And it worked.  And the cars were amazing.  Many were owned by celebrities….you know, all the ones that now drive Prius’s, ride bikes, speak out against smog, and live in homes that cost $1000.00 each month just to heat and cool?  Yep, those celebrities.  Without giving away the plot, the electric car effort came to a screeching halt, back around 2000 or 2001. 

However, back then, in the $1.50/gallon days, no one could have forseen $4.00/gallon gas just 7 years down the road.  So, after a short hiatus, in which most of the population has probably forgotten the electric car ever existed…..they’re making their way back.  For real.  You can check it out.  Here.  Or here. 

And whether you’ve seen them or not, electric cars are on the road.  Their just few and far between.  Want proof?  A couple of weeks ago, I was in the Barnes and Noble parking lot on Kingston Pike at about 8:00pm.  Was heading there to do some reading before meeting some friends to play tennis.  When, what did my eyes behold?  This…

That’s right.  An electric car.  And not only that, but one with some BAD ASS wheels baby!  Notice the picture on the left.  I really liked how the car was parked right in front of a $50,000 Porsche Boxster.  Awesome. 

So, cross your fingers.  I say it’s very possible that, within the next 10 years, electric cars could be a true reality.  And not just 100 of them scattered across the nation, but mass produced and parked in yours or my garage.  Well, I don’t have a garage, but that’s not the point.  It’s real.  It’s coming.  And I’m terribly excited about it.

Layoffs, The Economy, and The State of My Stress Level

In the last week, the company I work for has either laid off or “let go” of nearly 20% of our work force. And we only had about 50 people total to begin with, so that’s pretty significant. In my department (6 of us), one person was let go and another is being move laterally to a different position in the company.

What does this mean for me? A lot more work. I’m basically, for the forseeable future, going to absorb another person’s full time duties on top of my own. This will likely mean coming in 30-60 minutes earlier everyday, leaving 45-60 minutes later everyday, and working during lunch most days, just to keep up. I do not know how long it will last, but it could be for a few weeks or a few months, just depends on how our sales are and if we pick up any new clients or accounts.

It may also mean less blogging, since I do almost all of my blogging during work. Since I’m not a smoker and I normally bring my lunch and eat at my desk, blogging has been a good time filler for me during those daily “break” times. We’ll see. I’ll try to keep up, it’s just hard to tell right now.

Why the lay offs? Because a pretty significant chunk of our companies sales and revenue come from companies in the marine & boating industry….and the marine and boating industry is in a really really bad financial state right now, which has directly affected us in a big way. Basically, when it now costs someone up to $200.00 in gas just to go out on their boat for the day, plus the cost of towing it with a gas guzzling truck or SUV, people just aren’t buying nearly as many boats. Pretty simple.

So my stress level is fairly high right now. It’s good that my job is safe, but I’m not looking forward to the huge loads of work ahead of me each day. It’s pretty amazing how one thing - gas prices - can have such a major affect on an entire economy. But it does. Our family gas budget is now almost $150.00 a month more than it was a year ago at this time. And it’s nearly impossible for me to ride a bike or even the bus to work, since I live 23 miles away, pretty much across the county. In fact, I’ve researched the Knox County Bus system online, and there is literally no way for me to ride the bus to work. The farthest west any bus drops off is Cedar Bluff, which is still nearly 4 miles from work. And I would have to buy a bike, get on the bus in Halls at about 6:00am, make two transfers to get to the Cedar Bluff line, get off the bus around 7:50am, then ride my bike the last 4 miles to work. Which then leaves Erin with all the responsibility of dropping off and picking up Eli everyday. It just ain’t happening.

And This is Your Brain on Cell Phones…

One Thing Eli Loves About Summer That I HATE…

Bugs.  Yep.  Bugs.

Is this really my kid?  He loves bugs.  He loves letting caterpillars crawl onto his hand.  He likes getting really close to the ground and watching ants.  A couple of weeks ago, Erin went to pick him up at daycare.  The kids were outside playing in the back yard playground area.  Eli’s hands were cusped together as he ran to Erin saying, “Mommy, mommy, look what I got for you.”  Erin had an idea it was probably a bug.  Maybe a caterpillar.  He opens his hands, and there are roughly 5-6 long slimy worms bunched up in his hands!  AHHH!!  GROSS!!  It freaked Erin out, as it would have for me. 

Why bugs, son?  Why bugs?  Soon he’ll be bringing frogs into our home, releasing moths into his bedroom, and housing lizards in his dresser drawers.  Not long after that he’ll begin disecting them.  Studying their organs.  Analyzing their bone structure.  Going to college and learning their domain, kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, and species (impressive, huh?).  We’ll visit his dorm and find beetle colonies under the bed.  He’ll start using words like bugaboo, bugger, debugged, humbug, buggy, and bugle.  He’ll wear ecologically friendly praying mantis colored t-shirts.  He’ll invite us over for dinner and offer us a wide selection of cholocate covered junebugs, fricaseed slugs, and grasshopper soup. 

And because I’m his dad, I’ll love every minute of it. 

Pros & Cons of Summer

Things I Like About Summer…

1. Driving with the windows down and listening to slighly more rap/hiphop music than I do during the rest of the year.  For some reason, when the windows are down, I just enjoy a little hip hop….the last couple of weeks it’s been Kanye West, but I’ll pop in some Will Smith, LL Cool J, Eminem, Dr Dre, Fu Schnikens, Run DMC, Beastie Boys, and a couple of others as the summer goes on.
2. Never going home at night.  We’re bad at this, but it’s fun.  Erin & I never want to just go home from work during summer.  It’s always which park we can take Eli to, where to get something cheap to eat, where to go for a walk, etc.  Anything but home.  This makes laundry a bit of an issue.
3. Frisbee.  Let me just say this loud and clear….I absolutely love throwing Frisbee.  I always have.  Problem is, I’ve never really known too many people who love it equally.  I can go out into an open area with someone and throw Frisbee for an hour and never get tired of it.  I also love Ultimate Frisbee, but haven’t played it in about 5 years.  Again, just don’t know who/when/where anyone is playing it.
4. Water play.  This summer we have season passes to Splash Country (a gift from Erin’s family).  We’ve already been there 3 times.  There are at least 7 or 8 areas/parks around town that have the water spouts and fountains that shoot up out of the ground.  Eli really enjoys these, it’s really a blast. 
5. Less traffic going to work.  I live 23 miles from work.  It normally takes me about 45-50 minutes to leave home, take Eli to daycare, and then drive all the way to work.  In the summer, because of the lack of school/teacher traffic, that morning commute get cut by about 10 minutes.
6. The U.S. Open, The British Open, and the PGA Championship.  Those are golf tournaments, for those who don’t know.  3 of the 4 major championships in golf take place over a 3 month period of time. 
7. Church camp….granted, I haven’t attended a week of camp, either as a camper or faculty, in over 8 years.  But church camp is very nostalgic for me.  During the summer, I think back often on my camper days growing up, with very fond memories.  I miss my home camp, Camp Calvary.  I had so many incredible times there.  (Want something fun to do?  Visit the Camp Calvary link, click on “camp photos”, and see if you can find me in any archived photos from the 1985 - 1997 era.  I’ll even give you one to start with…1994, Junior High II.  From 1994 to 1996, I think I’m in 11 different photos.)
8. Waking up to sunlight.  I’m not an early bird by any means.  But it’s much much easier to wake up at 6:30am in the summer when the light is already coming through the windows.  As opposed to winter, when it’s 7:15am and still almost pitch dark. 

Things I Do NOT Like About Summer…

1. It’s insufferably hot in the Knoxville area.  The average high temperature from June - August is roughly 88 degrees…and even that seems low, considering how many upper 90’s days there seems to be.  And it’s stinking HUMID.  Frankly, it’s pretty hard to appreciate being outside sometimes when all you can think about is how hot you are, how much you’re sweating, and how much you cannot wait to take a cold shower. 
2. Too much to do, too little money to spend.  We have all these ideas of things we’d love to do during the summer….weekend trips, zoo, day trips, camping, etc….but all the ideas cost money, and we’re on a very tight budget!
3. Crappy Air Conditioning.  The townhouse where we live has a hard time staying cool.  We’ve had it worked on 3-4 different times.  Often we’ll set the temperature at 69 degrees while we’re at work, and when we come home it’s 76 degrees inside the place.  And we never seem to be cool enough at night.  We try to be conserative with out temperature setting to save money, so that’s a factor as well.
4. The lack of a variety of sports to watch.  I like baseball in general, but I do not enjoy watching it.  That leaves golf.  And my wife does NOT like to watch golf, so I catch bits and pieces when I can.  But that’s it.  No football.  No basketball.  The Olympics will be okay, but there are 1000 events going on and they only air about 4 of them, so you have to get lucky to see what you want.  Also, you have to know that we only pay about $12.00 a month for 15 channel cable, so my sports options are limited in that respect too.
5. Yard work.  Luckily, we don’t really have a yard.  And we don’t have to mow the tiny bit we do have.  But I’ll occasionally be called upon to help with some yard work, mainly for my father in law, and it’s just brutal during the summer.  I’m always glad to help and do something productive, but man, you just sweat and sweat and sweat, the grass sticks to your sweat, you smell terrible….
6. Getting into my car.  If it’s 95 degrees outside, it’s roughly 114 inside my car.  For the first 2 minutes, it’s hard to breath.  And my little Mazda doesn’t have the most potent AC, so that takes a while as well. 
7. The lack of rain.  I enjoy rain.  Obviously, like anyone, I don’t enjoy rain if it ruins my plans in some way, but overall I find rain wonderful, refreshing, and just another awesome reminder of God’s wonder.  But I often wish it would rain a bit more during the summer, when you might actually be able to be outside IN the rain, enjoying it, needing it to cool you off, you know? 
8. BUGS.  I really really do not like bugs.  Of any kind.  Ants, flies, grasshoppers, roaches, spiders, gnats, mosquitos, you name it.  And in the summer, they’re everywhere.  It’s impossible to hide from them. 

Either way, summer is here.  I hope you enjoy yours.  Just watch out for bugs.

BVD Tour Stop XIX - Disc Golf - The Final Frontier

Okay, this post will complete EVERY BVD photo I’ve taken to date.  There are no more.  And unless some really, really, really good photo opportunties present themselves, there could very well be no more.  We’ll see.

Back in early 1999, Greg and I decided to give disc golf a try.  We knew nothing about it, except that, at the time, he lived pretty much across the road from a 9 hole course (Admiral Park) here in Knoxville.  We went to Play It Again Sports, randomly picked 1 disc each, having no clue as to what we were choosing, except that they said “DRIVER”, which sounded like they would travel a long way, and off we went.  What began as curiousity soon bloomed into a several months obsession.  I would say we played Admiral Park, on average, at least twice a week.  We got better.  We got new discs.  We lost discs in the woods.  We found other ones.  We practiced.  We ended up making a couple of day long trips to Warrior’s Path in Kingsport to play a true, professional style course.  It was awesome.  And then it ended.  And then, until last summer, I basically had not played in roughly 8 years.  I’m not obsessed anymore.  I realize my limitations.  But it’s still a fun sport. 

So, in recognition of my disc golf roots, I took a short photo tour of Admiral Park.  It was a little dark and a little muddy the day I went out, so I didn’t walk though all of the wooded areas to take photos.  I did however take a picture of hole number 1 (where I’m holding the BVD) and hole number 2 (where there is both a shot of the basket, and a shot back through the woods while I’m standing beside the basket - oh yeah, and that’s where I record my first and only disc golf hole in one!).  The other shots are mainly open field areas of the course.  And notice I’ve circled any baskets that were visible in the shots.  Overall, it’s short and fun course, and a great place to learn to play. 

Another cool note.  The day I went to take the photos (during my lunch break), there were two guys teeing off on the first hole.  I asked if they would take my picture.  The guy who took it asked about the BVD’s.  I told him.  He said, “Oh, where do you go to church?”.  I told him.  He said, “oh yeah, Mark Nelson is your pastor right?  I know Mark.  We’ve met at Panera’s a couple of times and played some disc golf together.”  His name was Jeff Fulmer, who’s a pastor at another “portable” church here in Knoxville, Mountain Ridge.  Wild, huh?  But that kind of stuff has been happening throughout the BVD Tour, so I shouldn’t be surprised.  Anyway…enjoy the photos…and thanks for having supporting the tour.  It’s been fun.

 

BVD Tour - The B-Side Pics

Here are 4 BVD Tour photos that, for whatever reason, just didn’t make it into the official tour stop posts. 

Clockwise, starting from the top left:  standing inside of Payless Shoe Source in the Target/Kroger shopping center on Clinton Highway in Powell (Christine, an employee, took the photo) ….. me and Eli at Morton’s Overlook in the Smoky Mountains, elevation approximately 4800 feet (doesn’t it look like if we fell backwards off the wall we’d plunge about 1000 feet to our imminent death?) ….. standing in front of Borders (my favorite lunchtime getaway) in the Turkey Creek shopping center (self photo) …..  me, Eli, and Erin just off the parking area at Clingman’s Dome, elevation 6643 feet (a nice lady name Renee took the photo).

Roughly once a week I’ve been going to Borders and reading a chapter of Tim Keller’s “The Reason for God”.  I’ve been doing this for about two months.  I mark my place in the book with the outside cover of the hardback flap.  After two months, no one has purchased the particular copy I’ve been reading.  I go in, find the book among the 6 or 7 that are there, open up to my flapped bookmark, and read the next chapter. 

In college, I had a genius professor who could SPEED read.  Seriously.  He told us stories of how he would go into bookstores, see an interesting book, read it from cover to cover while standing in the aisle, and then feel guilty about it and go purchase it anyway.  He spoke about 12 languages fluently, including 2 or 3 that read from right to left instead of left to right.  So, when he reads, he actually reads SIX lines to the right, then SIX lines to the left.  So, basically, in the time it takes you and me to read one or two lines, he would read one full page.  With full comprehension and memory.  Amazing.  It was Dr. Jim Girdwood.  You can actually see him by clicking here.  You’ll also see 3 other professors that helped educate me during my tenure at KCU, Drs Ford, Fiensy, and Knight.  Is there anything else I can ramble on about?  Hmm.  I guess not.

The Chicken Truck

This is a picture I took from my car - yes, while driving, at approximately 62 MPH - on my way to work the other morning.

It’s a chicken truck. Filled with chickens. I have nothing to offer on this, except to say that it made me sort of sad to see it, and I drove beside it for about 2 miles just to try and see how the chickens were acting in there. Seemed sort of like they were acting like chickens, but I’m no expert.

It was still sad.

The Dancing Skeleton

Seriously (in my best Seinfeld voice), what’s the deal with the dancing skeletons?  And it’s not just skeletons.  I’ve also seen dancing blonde women, dancing brunette women, dancing men, and dancing ghost-like figures.  They’ve popped onto my screen on the Weather Channel, my car insurance website, and other places.  And they almost always seem to be dancing for joy at the new low interest rates offered by national banks.  Is a low interest rate so incredible that it would cause a dead man to rise from the grave and do what would be considered a mix between line dancing, disco, and hip hop?  Frankly, they’re odd, and a little creepy.  And they do not draw my attention to the website or advertisement, only to the freaky dancing thing. 

I’m trying to think what might have inspired this pop-up-spam-banner advertisement craze, and I can only reach one conclusion.  The infamous dancing baby.  (remember Ali McBeal?) Just in case you’ve forgotten….

a few thoughts & struggles

The BVD Tour has been fun.  But it will probably slow down a bit for the next few weeks.  I had assumed I would be in possession of the BVD for one month, at which time it would be presented to someone else in the Crossings leadership community.  However, the June leadership meeting was cancelled, and we will not meet again until August.  This means I have the BVD for 3 months instead of 1.  And it sort of seems like the initial “boom” of the tour has faded.  I’ve gone from being the 2nd most popular blog on wordpress (for a particular few days of time) to being back to like the 2,225,875th most popular.  I still plan on keeping it with me, but I’ll be more selective as to when to bring it out.  And I still have 4-5 photos I haven’t posted yet, so I’ll make sure and offer those in the next week or so. 

On another note…I’m experiencing a time right now, and have been for a little while, where I’m having a very difficult time being content with my life.  And it encompasses many areas.  And the hardest part is knowing what to do, or even having the proper motivation to do anything about it.  For instance…

Erin & I have been on a really tight debt-reduction budget for a long time, and it seems like it will never end, and I’m having trouble being content with the amount of money we make, the place in which we live (we still rent), and the things we’re able or not able to do because of money. 

I’ve posted before about a renewed desire to serve in a greater capacity in ministry, but I wonder if it’s ever going to be possible and whether it’s something I should stop thinking about, at least for now.

I started playing my guitar again about 3 months ago, but I’ve already faded on it again, partly because I have little opportunity to play outside of my bedroom, and partly because my attempts at writing songs seem to head off into nowhere.  =/ 

I’m unhappy with my general physical condition, but have little motivation to do anything about it - jogging, walking, eating much better, developing accountability, etc. 

I have a real desire to develop deeper, stronger friendships in my life and seem to run into some mental roadblocks in that area…. (such as) I don’t have enough time to devote, the friends I have don’t have enough time, friends I’d really like to know better seem to have so many other close friends already that I feel like an intruder or an outsider, with others I wonder if our personalities would mesh well enough to become closer friends….and on and on it goes.

There’s more, but you get the idea.  I wonder if this is something others commonly deal with, or if I’m just in a unique little rut.  Either way, life goes on, right?  Any advice, encouragement, or prayers you may have to offer are certainly welcome.  I know I’ve been given a good life, certainly better than most, but I so often find myself wanting more.  And I’m not always sure whether or not that’s a good thing. 

BVD Tour Stop XVIII - Wings R Us

A couple of weeks ago, Erin, Eli, and myself are leaving the Smoky Mountains after a day of enjoying nature.  We entered the mountains in Gatlinburg, stopped a bunch of places, and left the mountains through Townsend.  It had been a long day.  It was roughly 5:30pm, and we were chatting about where we might want to eat once we got to Maryville/Alcoa.  As we were talking about it, just toward the far north end of Townsend, we saw this on the side of the road…

Cool, huh?  Erin likes wings.  I like wings.  Eli likes wings.  And we enjoy trying new places.  So we stomped on the brakes and pulled in.  It was a very new, fairly small, cabin-styled place.  There were probably 7-8 customer inside eating, 2-3 different people serving, a couple of people in the kitchen.  We sat in a booth near the side windows, and a young man of about 19 came to serve us.  He apologized for the menu being so simple, since their “actual” menus were not finished yet.  Why would that be?  Well, because they had literally opened their doors for business, for the very first time, about 1 hour before we walked in! 

In fact, from talking to the young man and a couple of other people, here’s what we learned….the entire staff (servers, cleaners, register, cooks) were all members of River of Life International Church in Townsend.  The head cook, Pastor Sellers, is the senior pastor of the church.  They had only informed their friends and family that they were opening that day, just so they could “practice” a little before opening to the general public.  They had only put the banner on the truck by the road so the friends and family would know exactly where to go.  Erin and I both ended up ordering a BBQ sandwich and fries.  Eli had a kids meal with wings and fries.  Honestly, no kidding, it was one of the best BBQ sandwiches I’ve ever had in my life. 

Finally, before we left, the staff of Wings R Us agreed to take a BVD photo with me.  Pastor Sellers is standing to my left, your right.  Thanks Wings R Us, our food was excellent, you guys were awesome, and we will definitely be back! 

i called …

the phone number listed on one side of the “turn or burn” truck yesterday afternoon.  I called it four times.  Each time, a computerized voice told me the number was not valid, and to please try my call again.  Bummer.

BVD Tour Stop XVII - Turn or Burn Truck Revisited

So, for those of you who’ve been with me for a while….remember the Turn or Burn truck?  Here’s what I wrote about it back in January.  Not surprisingly, I still see it about 2-3 days out of every month right down the road from where I work.  However, recently, it appeared right down the road from where we live.  We were on our way to Erin’s parents house, when, lo and behold, there was the Turn or Burn truck sitting right in the middle of the Walmart/Ingles parking lot in Halls.  There is nowhere this truck doesn’t go.  I’ve talked to people who’ve seen it in south Knoxville as well. 

Well, I couldn’t resist.  The BVD was in the car (it always is).  And so was the camera (it always is too).  So, in what will likely be the most oxymoronic picture of the BVD tour, I couldn’t help but get a picture with the “Beliefs, Values, and Dreams” award in front of the “Turn or Burn” truck. 

Oh yeah, I spent $47.46 to fill my tiny little car up with gas yesterday at Weigles. 

BVD Tour Stop XVI

After a LONG event (Thursday - Sunday) in Georgia, a five hour drive back Sunday night, and a good night of sleep, it was nice to be able to enjoy a fun and relaxing Memorial Day.  Eli and I went to Krystal’s for breakfast.  Then, later in the afternoon, we got together with some friends from Crossings for a cookout.  The kids had fun playing in the sprinkler and on the water slide, Lisa grilled some awesome food, and the weather was awesome.  Here is a BVD photo from the cookout, along with a couple of water slide pics! 

(Pictured in the BVD photo.  Front row, left to right:  Eli, Emma, Abby.  Back row, left to right:  Lisa, Erin, Me, and Carrie, who is a former BVD winner)

BVD Tour Stop XV

I’m in a cottage in Callaway Gardens, located in Pine Moutain, GA.  Today, my friend Zach and I worked a pretty dead day at the Nautiques Master’s Wakeboarding Tournament.  From what we’re told, the next two days will be insane.  So tomorrow we’ll get up around 6am, be at the tent by 6:45am, be set up and ready to run the booth from 8am to 5pm.  Oh yeah, you’ll see me to the right inside our small little sales area, sporting the BVD.

And here are a couple of other pictures of our area, and the event in general.  And it sucks to not be at Crossings two weeks in a row.  Hey Crossings peeps, I miss you all.  Have a great Sunday!